Autism in the eyes of the others

You say: I am selfish.
Yeah, like a fish,
That screams for water.

Cause I trepassed my border,
But you didn’t recognize.
Think: I’m lazy and sappy.

You say: I am complaining,
Playing weakling.

Why?
It’s just my thing.

You say: I’m pretending,
Day for day,
And year for year.

You never get near,
Thinking,
If it has any meaning.

Even after I get diagnosed,
You aren’t disposed,
To believe me.

I just must bear it,
Ignore and suppress it.
Year after year and year…

You tell me to just shut up,
And behave like „normal“.

Others can do also,
So why not I?

You say: It’s my favourite fable.
Pretending I am not able.

And that I just get worked up,
About everythin‘,
In an instant.

And could just let it be,
And have luck instead.

You don’t get snotty about it,
And give a shit,
It’s all my fault anyway.

The headaches?
Just an illusion.

Pressure on my brain?
Unpossible pain.

Evoked by something,
That can’t be proven.
I feel like a delusion.

Since decades.

You say: I prefer to suffer,
And make my pain grow,
Just to enjoy the show.

You really believe that?

Irony is my enemy,
As being sarcastic.

You tell me,
Everything could me fantastic,
If I would behave like you.

You tell me,
If I only would hear,
On the wise words of all other!

There would be nothing,
To bother me at all.

No beat ups,
No mistreatments.

Even spit in my face,
Would be absent.

All the contempt,
All that being laughed at,
Feeling like a wreck.

All the burnouts,
Would burn away.

And being autistic,
In the eyes of the other,
Would just be „the kick“.

You get the flick?

All the lack,
Of understanding,

All the handling,
Like „Try harder!“,
And „Others don’t complain“,
Would drain away.

I feel like,
I’m on the wrong play.

I should drain my being,
To be such foreign?!

Just want to jump,
In front of the next train,
To release the pain.

Am I wrong?
Are they right?
Should I stop the fight?

Fuck it!
Trust yourself.
It’s better for your health.

Shout out loud,
How you sense!

Even if it makes no sense,
To anyone,
But you.

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